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Inside: Cultural Sausage. ~ Ludic Lists. ~ Skullbucket. Outside: Hey there! Look at all the new
entries on the Ludic
Lit page, including more restaurant reviews, a guest Sound-Off on Zulkey.com and a short story on Moonshinestill, a very fine
literary magazine with an even finer editor.
"United States of Canada" "Dormammu cursor" "why red white and blue angry American sucks" "smoke banana" "riddles and puzzles boy afraid man in the mask" "how to do parlor tricks" "comedian Cletus" "chemical in cherry flavoring" |
11.04.2004
Here at FutureSync Industries, our job is to predict the trends of tomorrow to make sure your profit margins increase starting today. And as you already know if you've signed up for this free preview-pack of the exciting trending predictives that have made FSI the hottest name in cultural branding, the best product of tomorrow...is yesterday. FutureSync has a track record in nostalgia shaping and pre-remembrance cultural repackaging that is unparalleled in the cultural branding industry. Our forecasts are always controversial, but they're always on target: that's why we have the most powerful brand in branding. We predicted the Happy Days 1950s nostalgia of the 1970s, the Stray Cats 1950s nostalgia of the 1980s, the camp/disco 1970s nostalgia of the 1990s, and the That '70s Show 1970s nostalgia for the 1950s of the 2000s. We put investment capital in Grateful Dead-related holdings in the 1970s because we predicted a strong throwback nostalgia for the 1960s as early as 1974; and we put further investment capital in Uncle John's Band-related holdings in the 1990s because we predicted a strong throwback nostalgia for the Grateful Dead nostalgia of the 1970s and 1980s as early as 1991. And we've seen our clients realize massive profit margins on bell-bottom pants on no less than eleven separate occasions. It's a truism that there's nothing new under the sun; tomorrow's trends are simply yesterday's trends rediscovered and repackaged for today. And now that you've signed up for this absolutely free (pending credit check, transfer fee, and three-year subscription agreement at regular cost) preview-pack, we're going to give you the next three cultural branding trends, and it won't cost you a penny. Please see the attached prospectus for marketing opportunities, recommended investments, and additional fees, and remember our slogan at FSI: "REMEMBER THE FUTURE!" 1. 1930s Nostalgia: "MANIC DEPRESSION". Let's face it: the 20th century is a pretty tapped vein when it comes to nostalgia trending. Sure, the 1970s will come back again; they always do. But beyond that, what's left? Jazz bows, flappers, zoot suiters, greasers, hippies and new wave love gods have all had their moment in the sun. While we surprised the whole world (we always do!) by correctly predicting that 2001 was not too soon for 1990s nostalgia as our highly-rated "I Love the '90s!" property proves, but we know that can't last forever. What's next? The underexplored 1930s, that's what! Often forgotten, wedged as it is between the roaring twenties and the all-American '40s, the thirties are a rich vein of cultural branding, from our proposed "Hobo Chic" line of clothing to our Cook-In-The-Can brand of Hooverville-inspired cuisine to our (still under development) plan to encourage rail-jumping as the hot new extreme sport of the late 2000s. Best of all, it's recession-proof: if the economy nosedives, the cultural branding will perfectly match the zeitgeist; and if it booms, you can make all these products on the cheap but charge premium prices for them! Yes, happy days are here again, with a chicken in every pot, a car in every garage, and a "Manic Depression" head-shawl or top hat with a flipped-open crown on every head! 2. Days of Future Past: "JETSONLIFE". What will be the hottest nostalgia marketing opportunity of the 2010s? The 1950s, of course! Oh, sure, you're saying -- a safe bet. The 1950s are second only to the 1970s as a rich vein of cultural branding opportunities. But this isn't your grandfather's 1950s, or your father's 1950s, or even your older brother's 1950s -- this is the 1950s of the future! Yes, in the early twenty-teens, we boldly predict that the style will be that of the early twenty-teens as envisioned by the people of the fifties! Bubbled space helmets, silver jumpsuits (the '50s-2010s kind, not the 1970s kind), clunky-looking laser pistols that say "ZZZZAP!" and throw sparks, lumbering robots that make as much noise as a crystal chandelier falling onto a running industrial vacuum cleaner, and cars that look like spaceships that look like cars will be the order of the day, and you'll want to get those orders in on time. Get tomorrow's interpretation of yesterday's conception of tomorrow today! 3. The 1570s: "OLD AS OLD SCHOOL GETS". One of the biggest challenges in the culture marketing industry is authenticity -- what our trendicator technicians call "street cred". In our boldest prediction yet, we're advising that there's no better way to establish authenticity than to cash in on nostalgia for a period that absolutely no one remembers, and no better way to get "street cred" than to return to a time before there were streets! What will peak during the 1570s crazy of the late 2010s? "Frutefull Sermons" t-shirts, for one thing. Carrier pigeons, for another (they're really just regular pigeons, but that'll be our little secret). Tintoretto prints. Tycho-Brahe-inspired metal nose prosthetics. "Greensleeves"-mania. Seventh French War of Religion re-enactment societies. A Commentaries on Roman Law revival. Plague chic. And so, so much more -- if you just get in on the ground floor! Like it says in the soon-to-be-popular-again Eupheus: The Anatomy of Wit, "FutureSync Industries: now and then, and forever, the Prophets of Profit!" |
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| TODAY'S DRIFTWOOD: "We should give as we would receive, cheerfully, quickly, and without hesitation; for there is no grace in a benefit that sticks to the fingers." (Seneca) |