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LUDIC LOG
11.05.2004

Bush voters speak out:  what do "moral issues" mean to you?

Mrs. R.J., Louisville, KY:  "For me, it means never having to worry about gays being able to get married.  Or see gays walking down the street kissing, or holding hands.  Or ever having to think about gays in any way, ever."

Mr. E.K., Meridian, MS:  "Abortion.  Abortion.  ABORTION!"

Ms. J.M.M,. Knoxville, TN:  "Lately, I have heard that there are increasing numbers of people -- some of them U.S. citizens -- who either believe in a different conception of God than my own, or do not believe in God at all!  I voted in hopes that we can stop them."

Mr. K.J., Scottsdale, AZ:  "To me, moral issues mean how much they are going to cut my taxes, because I think taxing the wealthy is immoral."

Mrs. O.H., Bozeman, MT:  "I'm just sick and tired of people in the big cities mocking my values.  I hate those liberal pinko bleeding heart queers, with their being soft on crime and promoting internationalism and their secularism!"

Mr. S.T., Orlando, FL:  "It really just comes down to the fact that I vote the way the church tells me to vote.  Kerry was pro-abortion, and the church says that's wrong.  Of course, the church also says that unjust war and the death penalty are wrong, but I'm sure abortion is even wronger."

Mr. K.E., Indianapolis, IN:  "That's literally my bread and butter.  They're important to me because they're how I make my living.  I'm a florist, so floral issues are the key to getting my...what?  What issues?  Oh.  Well, shit."

Mrs. J.N, Youngstown, OH:  "I heard that if the other guy won, queers could get married in Massachusetts.  I don't live in Massachusetts and I've never been there and will never go there, but it burns me up that there's people living there doing things that I don't want them to do."

Mr. T.A., Hollywood, CA:  "I'm a pornographic film producer and part-time drug dealer, so I depend on an approbative moral attitude in the halls of power to give my product the taste of the forbidden it needs in order to keep profit margins high.  I know I live in a blue state, but every little bit helps, you know?"

Mr. N.W., Casper, WY:  "On account of my guns.  What might take them away.  Nuh uh!  I voted for not that guy."

Mrs. C.O., Tyler, TX:  "The democratic candidate supports stem cell research.  I'm not sure exactly what that is, but I think it involves taking a beautiful 6-month-old white baby and tearing it to pieces in a huge industrial blender.  That's immoral!"

Mr. L.C., Richmond, VA:  "It's simple:  my moral values compelled me to vote for the man who stood up to the evil theocratic regime of the Taliban, and who will bring prayer back into schools, post the Ten Commandments in public places, and follow the mandate of the benevolent God who placed him in the seat of power to institute a strict religious system of ethics through the medium of government."
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TODAY'S DRIFTWOOD:  "To be wildly enthusiastic or deadly serious -- both are wrong.  Both pass.  One must keep an ever-present sense of humor.  It depends entirely on yourself how much you see or understand, but the sense of humor I have found of use in every single occasion of life." (Katherine Mansfield)