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LUDIC LOG

Many people have written me lately, asking for a Frequently Asked Questions (F.A.Q.) page. Unfortunately, I have no frequently asked questions, including "Why don't you have a F.A.Q. page"? I just made that part up, where people have written me asking for one. However, I do have these questions, which were at least asked, if not frequently; I have excerpted them below completely out of context and answered them in comically inedifying ways. Enjoy, and don't neglect the links, both new and old, to your left.

Q. Do I look like a five year old to you?

A. No, not at all. You're much taller than a five-year-old.

Q. What ever happened with those rape charges?

A. Once I got rid of all the witnesses, it was just my word against the polar bear's.

Q. Ainsi, allons-nous au cinéma ce soir?

A. Oui!

Q. Where do you live exactly, Leonard?

A. I live in Chicago, IL -- the Big Town. I love it very much, and it has more nicknames than any other place.

Q. Can we listen to Big Black, "Songs About Fucking"?

A. Hell yes.

Q. Ugly years ahead?

A. It certainly looks that way. I'm looking at the job market in New Zealand, but I'm a little nervous about living in a country with "zeal" in its name.

Q. How are your new inkings coming along?

A. They're great. Only 8 more to go and I'll have the whole set! The next one is going to cost more than my car.

Q. You up for poker this weekend?

A. Sure. Who needs money, anyway?

Q. How fleshed out is this thing?

A. Not very, but I'm making a trip to the cemetary this weekend.

Q. Should we just incinerate them?

A. Yeah, but I have a feeling we should cut their heads off first.

Q. Who are you anyway?

A. I'm just a man, with a man's courage -- nothing but a man who can never fail.

Q. Why isn't there a superhero called Manifest Destiny?

A. There will be, if I have anything to say about it.

Q. Who knows?

A. I do. I know everything. Also, the Shadow knows.

Q. Did it have monkeys in it?

A. It had monkey meat in it. But somehow it doesn't seem right to say it had monkeys in it. That would be like saying that a hamburger had cow in it.

Q. Did I say peanuts?

A. It sounded like peanuts.

Q. What's next?

A. Hopefully, a much better log entry than this one.