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LUDIC LOG
11.08.2004

"Commissioner Gordon."

"Evening, Bruce!"

"Let's keep it formal, if you don't mind."

"Er, all right.  What brings you around, Br...Batman?"

"It's the Joker."

"Terrible business.  Any clues yet?"

"Oh, I've already caught him.  He's locked down back at the Batcave."

"Oh!  Excellent.  That's good news.  I expect we'll have him back in Arkham in no time, once you hand him over, then."

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Eh?"

"I think I'm going to keep him."

"What?  What are you talking about?"

"Frankly, Commissioner, I just don't trust the justice system in this city anymore.  I knew I'd have trouble, this being a pretty liberal New England state and all, but to tell you the truth, I'm starting to feel...well...used."

"I...I don't think I understand."

"Do you know how many times the Joker has busted out of Arkham in the last five years, Commissioner?"

"Oh, it's -- I mean, a few, but I don't think it can be more than, say, seven?"

"Sixty-four times."

"No.  Really?"

"Out of a maximum security insane asylum.  Manson has never even tried to get out, and the Joker has busted out on an average of once a month for half a decade."

"Well, I mean, I'll admit that I'd prefer to see him rotting in solitary at the pen, but he's certainly not..."

"Jim, he's broken out of jail almost as many times.  And that's when he hasn't been paroled.  The guy has killed, like, six hundred people and they keep paroling him."

"I don't pick the parole board, Bruce.  If it was up to me..."

"Sure, if it was up to you.  Doesn't this damn state have a death penalty?  If anyone deserves it, it's this asshole.  I mean, seriously.  He's notched up close to eighty kills just in prison guards and hospital orderlies."

"Batman, surely you're not thinking of..."

"No, no.  I'm not going to kill him.  I just figure, Christ, I can't do a worse job of keeping him under wraps than you people have done.  No offense, Jim, but you've guarding him like a Swede.   I'm surprised I don't find a police master key on his belt every time I bring him in."

"I don't know what to tell you."

"I mean, do you not think I have enough to do?  It's not like I'm on salary or anything.  This gig costs me money.  You don't have to go around finding me busywork."

"It's not like that, Bruce, I promise you."

"Well, anyway, I just wanted to give you fair warning.  The way I see it, I can lock him in the custodial closet and he'll have a harder time getting out than he does at Arkham.  You can send someone to see him if you want."

"No, no, I'm sure it's all just fine."

"All right.  I gotta go.  I'm going to pick him up some Lunatic Chow or something on the way home."

"Actually, do you have a minute?"

"Why, what's up?"

"It's about Killer Croc."

"Ah, fuck."
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TODAY'S DRIFTWOOD:  "If, to please the people, we offer what we ourselves disapprove, how can we afterward defend our work?  Let us raise a standard to which the wise and honest can repair." (George Washington)