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11.25.2003
The making of best-of
lists has been a passion that has consumed music journalists
since the days of Edison's wax cylinders; no sooner had it been
released than Oh I'm Jumpin' and a-Singin' for My Christ Jesus
by the Nine Mute Negrattoes of Vicksburg Towne was voted "Biggest
Disappointment of 1892" in Melts-a-Lot Weekly Song Periodical's
end-of-year issue.
Today, with the end of
the year approaching and rock 'n' roll's 50th birthday only two,
three, or seven years away, best-of lists are coming faster and
furiouserer than ever. It seemed like a sure thing that Rolling
Stone's "Top 500 Albums of All Time" list, released
this week, would be the year's biggest argument-starter (it was
even voted such in Conversational Magazine's "200
Biggest Potential Argument-Starters of 2003" list in late
2002). But that was before today.
Today saw the release
of "50 Essentials", the simple and elegantly titled
list of the best albums of each of the last 50 years. To the
shock of the entire musical world, the list, which appeared in
the French rock magazine Bruyant et Inpopulaire, was written
by their notoriously reclusive and irascible critic-at-large,
Connard Sacrebleu. Sacrebleu, with Lester Bangs, Dick Moles and
Martin van Bierschwien one of the most difficult, brilliant and
crude of music writers, had not been seen or heard from since
1978, when he vowed never to write again unless Magma was retroactively
awarded every Grammy since the ceremony's inception.
Controversial? Without
question. Provocative? Without doubt. Required reading for any
informed music fan? Without cavil. We are pleased to present
Connard Sacrebleu's "50 Essentials".
1. The Beatitools, "The
White Peoples' Album" (1953)
2. Salon du Rourke, "Sometimes You Just Gotta Roll the Potato"
(1954)
3. Reilly's Valve, "Gastr del Intestinl" (1955)
4. Providence, "Homo Variety" (1956)
5. Strawberry Shortbus, "I Can Make By Myself" (1957)
6. The Fucking Trains, "Leave" (1958)
7. Rail Dogs, "(I'm Goin' Where There's) No Anti-Depressants"
(1959)
8. Milt Davis, "I Said Kreuzen-Brewed, Bitch!" (1960)
9. R.P.M., "Mumble" (1961)
10. Gloryhole Gunderson, "Snowplow Psychedelia" (1962)
11. Pear Ubu, "Sit, Ubu, Sit! Good Band" (1963)
12. Modern Advertising, "Death of the Creepy Me, Birth of
the Happy Me" (1964)
13. The Dyslexic Agevners, "Bet It Lee" (1965)
14. Heroin Barbershop, "For Our Matchless Friends"
(1966)
15. The Watermelon Riots, "It Takes a Nation of Millions
to Hold My Keys" (1967)
16. Fang of Gore, "Hyperborean Enema" (1968)
17. Bill & Some Bastards, "The Turbulent Tale of the
Six Offender" (1969)
18. The Raspberry Everything, "Take My Cock Out Of Bob Wall"
(1970)
19. Grate Artists, "Raymillandinista!" (1971)
20. Alex Chitlin, "Mother Fuckers" (1972)
21. A Year in Surlyland, "Quiescently Frozen Confection
Stuffed with Dope" (1973)
22. Hunchbacks and Monkeys, "Guitard" (1974)
23. The Diving Man Band, "Milles Didn't Ask to Be Borne"
(1975)
24. The Sheppy Schenkelman Group, "Catskill or Be Killed"
(1976)
25. Arnold Schoefeld Swipes, "Mousefelcher" (1977)
26. Clean Hells, "Bad Hearts of the Rodeo" (1978)
27. The Barley Mob, "Satan is Realistic" (1979)
28. The Mixed Metaphors, "Faster Than Molasses Like a Fox"
(1980)
29. The Jonsson 5, "Yes, So Much Would I Like to Starting
Something Be" (1981)
30. The Colonel & Chenile, "Rock Island Crinoline"
(1982)
31. The Hip Replacements, "Please to Help Me" (1983)
32. Dun & Badstreet U.S.A., "Eat Your Prayers &
Say Your Vegetables" (1984)
33. Slovenian Musical Club, "For Much the Rocking"
(1985)
34. Funkalaibach, "One Nation Under Our Thumbs" (1986)
35. The Wet Wipes, "We Prefer to Be Called Sex Little
People" (1987)
36. Small White, "Songs About Pecking" (1988)
37. The Legendary Dink's Pot, "What Was Supposed to Happen
at 4:20?" (1989)
38. Y Kant Tori Akt?, "Roles for Baby" (1990)
39. Long Island X-Press, "How Ya Like My Shrill, Nasal Accent
Now?" (1991)
40. Goblin Richcock, "I Often Dream of Cash" (1992)
41. Soundgarglin', "Brett Hull's Son" (1993)
42. Del Close the Funkless Homo Sapien, "I Wish Poor Yorick
Was Here" (1994)
43. Linda Thompson & the Expensive Electricians, "I
Didn't Mean Literally" (1995)
44. Tarmac, "Yabble Dabble: A Tribute to Babu" (1996)
45. Oafers of Larch, "Foolin' Around with Ether on Stage"
(1997)
46. The Jack Tripper Jazz Implosion, "Regal Beagle Barely
Legal" (1998)
47. When People Were Smarter and Lived Near the City, "Delf-Titled"
(1999)
48. Ich Habe Das, "From a Tailor, Motel Khamzoil" (2000)
49. The Zyklon-Beatles, "Bigger than Beajesus" (2001)
50. Hannibal Cox, "Since When Do Fava Beans Go with Chianti?"
(2002)
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