LUDIC LOG

Aaron --

Thanks for the memo! Once again, Spelling Productions paces the industry in innovative ideas for interesting television. The property couldn't be hotter, the episodic structure lends itself well to the dramedy format that your people do so well, and don't sweat the production costs -- New Zealand is out of our price range ever since the movies jacked up the location rates, but we can get a great deal in the Phillipines, especially the parts of it where the pirates are in charge. Over the years, I've come to trust that when I get a pitch from you, it's all over but the signing, so don't worry: CBS wants this show, and we'll compensate you handsomely.

However, this wouldn't be the television industry if the creatives didn't have to add their two cents. I'm enclosing a couple of production notes that the boys and girls in the bullpen think would punch up the series and give it just that magic touch we'll need to make this one a classic. Let me know what you think Wednesday afternoon at Torrey Pines.

- Love interest. The biggest complaint we got from out people is that there's not enough in the show to sex it up. The women are going to like the show for the eye candy, and we might be able to milk the gay angle for the metrosexual and lonely overweight single woman markets, but this thing is just not gonna fly in the ratings without a little something for the key 18-34 hetero male demo. The movies had a lot of success by making composite female characters for Aragorn to slut it up with, but that's not going to be enough for the demanding television viewership. I already mentioned Monday at Burning Tree the possibility of giving Gandalf a young, sexy daughter who also does magic (we'll be able to draw in some of the Buffy and Charmed crowd this way), but one of the Harvard kids also suggested introducing a tribe of bisexual female elves. I think we should really consider this one. I can get a deal on Spock ears and those New Orleans titty beats, and there's our costume budget right there.

- Action. I know, the movies had all kinds of fight scenes, but it was mostly war stuff, and that's going to be out of our budgetary range, even if we're able to get the KFC/Taco Bell tie-in. And since most of our computer animation budget is tied up in doing graphics for NCAA games, we won't be able to stage any big orc battles. So instead we're bringing in Kuo Min-Dong, who went to the same grammar school as Yuen Woo-Ping, to train the cast in Chinese karate or whatever it is they use in the movies these days. That way we can still have a lot of orc fights and the like without having to blow a bunch of money that would be better spent on marketing action figures and t-shirts.

- Melodrama. Hey, I don't have to tell you that the Aaron Spelling Productions hallmark is soap opera-style drama with an edgy, modern twist -- after all, you're Aaron Spelling! Or, at least, you're Aaron Spelling's secretary. Hi, Jeanette! Don't forget to remind Aaron about Friday morning at Oak Brook Terrace. Anyway, since the whole story has already been told in the movies, we're going to want to give people the story behind the story, inside the story, and besides the story. We want to bring 90210's magic to The Lord of the Rings' magic. Thanks so much for recommending Darren Star -- his initial story proposals have been dynamite, particularly the one where Merry and Pippin's friendship is jeopardized when they both fall for the same girl, the one where we bring in a black elf for one episode to dramatize the minority-sensitivity thing before dropping him, and the one told from the goblin's point of view.

- Laughs. They pretty much covered this in the movie with midget jokes, but we're thinking about dropping in a few topical references to get the young crowd. Also, we want to bring back the spirit of Sauron as a sort of wacky-next-door-neighbor type. He's going to be the classic bad boss who's really incompetent, which I feel is closer to Tolkein's original vision as interpreted by the intern at the canteen. This will also play into the whole subplot Darren's come up with about a sub-plot involving a couple of wise-cracking Uruk-Hai who have to suffer under his wacky rule in an Office Space scenario. Also, re: Gollum's character, two words: more pratfalls.

- Casting. We've got to lose the whole hobbit thing. Midgets just don't work in a non-comedic context. Dwarves too. The elves can stay, as long as we make them teenagers.

Anyway, that's all I got! We're planning to put it on Tuesday nights before Judging Amy; it's a real powerhouse time slot.

Love to your daughter, and give her my condolences about the surgery.

Love,

Brandon