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Inside: Cultural Sausage. ~ Ludic Lists. ~ Skullbucket. Outside: Mmmmm,
Dooley's & egg nog.
"super crime girls in trouble press release how to" "life is eating us up" "man crotch shots" "Ric Flair drunk driving" "Starfire right breast" "hot towelhead" "I voted for Bush dumb like me" "teeth plaque conspiracy Metallica" |
12.10.2004
AND
NOW IT'S TIME ONCE AGAIN FOR...DEEZ NOOOOOOOOOOOOZ
Cracker-Ass Motherfucker Signs to Death Row; Suge Knight Not Involved REDWOOD CITY, CA -- A cracker-ass jury got all skeeved out at the trife activities of fellow cracker-ass motherfucker Scott Peterson, handing his pale Ben Affleck-lookin' cracker ass the kind of Death Row contract ain't nobody lookin' to sign. After noting that his lack of remorse was played like they baby brother's Hi-Ho Cherry-O game, they voted to stick a needle in that bitch after he got handed a done-it by a previous jury for going 187 on his cracker-ass wife and their unborn cracker-ass baby "Connor", if you can believe that shit, shorty better off dead than end up with a name like "Connor". A bunch of other cracker-ass motherfuckers in this highly cracker-ass community threw they hands in the air when the jury announced Peterson's shit was over after nearly twelve hours of deliberations on the county tit. Inside, Ben Affleck, a former fertilizer salesman -- yeah, that's right, motherfucker sold shit even then -- reacted with some tight-jawed staring shit like he all hard and all, when we know when he gets to the Row he gonna get split in half like a Thomas' English muffin by some dude got sent up for killing half of Oakland. "I still would have liked to see...I don't know if remorse is the right word," cracker-ass juror Steve Cardosi said at a news conference where he sucked off the camera to get his fifteen minutes. "He lost his wife and his child -- it didn't seem to faze him. While that was going on he is romancing a girlfriend." Meanwhile, in Detroit, a bunch of colored people done got gat and Steve motherfuckin' Cardosi and the rest of cracker-ass America ain't got nothin' to say about that shit. Punk-Ass American Bitches Change They Tune on United Nizzations UNITED NATIONS H.Q., NEW YORK, WORD TO MANHATTAN -- The government of Iraq (uh huh, sure, tell me another one, Scott Peterson) and the United States are frontin' like they know me, all callin' up the United Nizzations and sayin' "yo yo you, what up UN, bo bo player, listen man, how you is and all, yeah, thass cool, word, hey listen can you bring some of your crew over here to Baghdad and help a brother out before them elections?" So basically they all tell the UN to go s-h-u-c-k a d-i-c-k, and now they on the phone askin' for a ride to the airport. The Iraqi gubmint, which they all callin' "interim" instead of "fuckin' bullshit Uncle Tom", expressed confidence that despite all their wack play, the elections is goin' off, and you know, it ain't like they beggin' or nothin' but hey UN, if y'all ain't doin' nothin' in January, why don't you send some of y'all's troops over, I know we done tole you to go get fucked back in the '02, but we ain't mad at you, we just want some our boys to get through Christmas with all they limbs intact. UN Head Nigga In Charge Kofi Annan told U.S. ambassadors "Word. Y'all just go on home and waif for it, bitches. For real, hold y'all's brefs." Hardcore Gangstas Nappin' on the Job WASHINGTON, DC -- Murders in the United States dropped by nearly 6-ass percent in the first half of the year after shootin' up like a pregnant Courtney Love for four straight years, some sell-out P.O. at the FBI reported today. Almost all other crimes declined too as clearly, all my niggas on the streets talk more shit than a little bit, but still and all they sleepin', yo. Overall, violent crime (or, like we call it up in here, the realness) was down deuce percent in the first six months of the year, according to prelizmonary figures provided to the FBI by over 10,700 racist pig motherfuckers in state and local The Man agencies. That shit includes the 187, GTA, and bustin' a fool in the head. Yeah, that's right, punk, I said it: yo asses as soft like Philly cream cheese. What you gonna do about it, motherfucker? Nothin', obviously, because murder even down in such hotbeds of playa activity as DC, Chi and the Boogie Down. And before y'all come at me with that what-had-happened-was, sayin' y'all been rhymin' and stealin' so much that y'all ain't had no time to smack a fool or bust caps in no asses, property crimes like burglary, larceny and theft was also down 2 percent, and even arson, which any dumb-ass with a book of matches can do, was down 7 percent. The only crime that was up was rape. What the fuck is up? Y'all done lose ya'll's initiative? You boost one PlayStation, all of the sudden you don't wanna sling heads no more. Y'all just stay home playin' Madden 2006: Deep Fried Football, and y'all forget how to get you no trim on the straight-up. Pathetic. Terrorists makin' y'all look weak, fools. |
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| TODAY'S DRIFTWOOD: "If you have but the magnanimity to allow merit wherever you see it -- understanding in a lord or wit in a cobbler -- this temper of mind will stand you ins stead of many accomplishments." (William Hazlitt) |