Fresh shots of ironic disaffection.


 

                  
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Oh, no!  Monday the 13th!  That's bad luck for people who have to work weekends.
 
ADVENTURES IN REFERRAL:
a daily assortment of random search engine queries leading people to the Ludic Log in the past 24 hours

"personal injury crippled awards"
"fuck calculator"

"SANTA CLAUS ON SURF BOARDS"

"fat roll panties"

"retard e-cards"

"pronunciation of insect names"

"children true pictures of"

"WHAT MEANS NUMBER TEN?"

"girls sucking a ape"

"how to fool a soda machine"

LUDIC LOG
12.13.2004
"MacArthur Fellowship Foundation."

"Yeah, is this where you get one of them genius grants?"

"We don't actually like to call it that.  But yes."

"I wanna apply for me one of them things."

"Well, what is your field of research?"

"You mean what kind of genius am I?"

"Uh...sure."

"I'm not sure.  I think I'm a genius, though."

"What's your IQ?  Have you ever had an IQ test?"

"I got me a sixty-two."

"Oh."

"That's good, right?"

"Not really."

"I thought anything over a thirty was genius."

"That's anything over a hundred and thirty."

"Oh.  Well, what about, like, if I was a physical genius?"

"If you have an exceptional talent, we do have a program for..."

"I can do this thing where I throw things up in the air and catch them."

"Juggling?"

"No, I like throw them up in the air and catch them, like, keepin' a bunch of them goin' at oncet."

"That's juggling."

"Well, I don't know what you call it.  I'm not a word-calling-it kind of genius.  I'm the throwing-and-catching genius kind."

"How many things can you juggle at once?"

"Three."

"Three?"

"Well, up to three."

"That's not really genius-level.  Lots of people can juggle three things."

"But I can do that with anything.  Balls.  Soup cans.  Vidya-tapes."

"How about concrete blocks?"

"Hell, no, mister.  I ain't Superman."

"I don't think you can qualify at that level."

"What about political genius?  I got all kindsa solutions to world affairs and whatnot."

"Hit me."

"Well, uh...them queers, they ought to not be such up in your face with it.  And, uh, if you don't like it here, you can just get on back where you come from."

"Pretty well traveled, sir."

"You wanna hear how people oughtta get theyselves a job?"

"I don't think we can help you."

"Well God damn it, I know I got some kinda genius over here, my ma always said so.  What if I just get one without havin' to say nothin' or do nothin'?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what if I was to say I have some special genius for somethin' but it's so God damn special I can't even do it or show it or say what it is or anything, so people should oughta just sit back and kindly bask in it, on account of it being so special and ineffable and wherefore?"

"Oh, you want the poetry grant.  I'll send you an application."
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TODAY'S DRIFTWOOD:  "Meditate upon exile, torture, wars, diseases, shipwreck, so that you may not be a novice to any misfortune." (Seneca)