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Inside: Cultural Sausage. ~ Ludic Lists. ~ Skullbucket. Outside: Sorry
this is late in coming, but I worked a 14-hour shift on
Wednesday. You get dick on days like that.
"kung fu squirrels" "Frosted Flakes lyrics for Tony" "dark and delicious Sharon" "what's IPO?" "Olmec board games" "cruel and unusual medical experiments of WWII" "picture of nitroglycerin molecule" "super crime girls in trouble press release how to" |
12.15.2004
No, you suck! No, you should be the one to apologize! No, you wrecked the car, let the dog starve, and bet your whole college fund on a cockroach race! No, you invaded Poland under false circumstances in 1939, triggering a scramble to strategically honor alliances that would eventually erupt in to the largest and most destructive war in the history of the world! No, you appear to be an unemployable ne'er-do-well! No, you get a makeover in an attempt to be crowned trailer-trash beauty queen of the season! No, you were responsible for the simultaneous assassination of the heads of New York's most powerful crime families, thus consolidating your nefarious hold on power! No, you have been described by critics as "a delightful romp" and "fun for kids both young and old"! No, you were manufactured using equipment also used to process peanuts, soybeans and wheat and wheat gluten products! No, you come from the Latin word 'frux', meaning 'fruit', and are related to the Latin verb 'frui', meaning 'to enjoy'! No, you were the best of times, you were the worst of times! No, you were observed by Officer Pendeck at 11:32 on the night in question urinating onto the doorway of 714 W. Vellum Avenue, and, upon being questions, became belligerent and hostile! No, you, having adequately strengthened the position of the commons by the two safeguards of the tribunate and the appeal, revived, in the interest of the tribunes themselves, the almost-forgotten principle of their 'sacrosanctity'; this you did by reintroducing certain religious sanctions long fallen into disuse, and then proceded to make the principle of inviolability legal as well as religious by a further enactment that an assault upon a tribune, an aedile, or a member of the board of Ten Judges should carry a penalty of death or exile, the property of the offender to be sold at public auction! No, you are a small industrial city in mid-western Ohio with a population of just under 200,000! No, you shut up! |
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| TODAY'S DRIFTWOOD: "To avert disaster, we have not only to teach men to make things, but to teach them to have complete moral control over the things they make." (Prince Charles) |