Fresh shots of ironic disaffection.


 

                  
Archives.

02.03.02-05.25.02.
05.26.02-09.14.02.
09.15.02-01.04.03.
01.05.03-04.26.03.
04.27.03-08.16.03.
08.17.03-12.06.03.
12.07.03-03.27.04.
03.28.04-07.17.04.
07.18.04-12.21.04.
Links.

Inside:
Cultural Sausage. ~ Ludic Lists. ~ Skullbucket.

Outside:
Ludic Links. ~ Ludic Lit.
 
Holiday Week continues!  This one's dedicated to Lance Brown.
 
ADVENTURES IN REFERRAL:
a daily assortment of random search engine queries leading people to the Ludic Log in the past 24 hours

"people have died of unidentified disease"
"tit fight"

"darling I know you are jealous but I love only you"

"Travis Bickle, psychopath"

"architecture is a social"

"naked chicks American wedding"

"don't ask me because I don't know and that's just the way it goes"

"Marvel & DC porn"

"underage girl on girl"

"teeth plaque conspiracy Metallica"

LUDIC LOG
12.21.2004

"Thanks for coming in today, Mr. Claus.  We just had a couple of questions about your..."

"Home loan, right."

"Home loan?"

"Refi."

"Um..."

"College?"

"It says here you want a business loan."

"Oh, okay.  Sure.  Let's go with that."

"Well, first of all, your business is...you manufacture toys, correct?"

"Yeah.  I'm a toymaker.  And distrubutor."

"That's really admirable in this day and age.  Almost all businesses like that have taken their work out of the country."

"Well, technically, we're out of every country.  There's really no place that will let me get away with the workplace I have.  I don't pay them, and they're not technically human.  Even El Salvador wouldn't take me.  We're extraterritorial."

"At any rate, your loan application was a bit short on some of the due diligence."

"How do you mean?"

"Well, there's no business plan included."

"Business...plan."

"Right.  How you...what you want to...the way you're going to make money off of this, Mr. Claus."

"I, uh.  I basically give the toys away."

"You mean you're a deep discounter?"

"No, I mean, I just give them away.  For free.  To all the little boys and girls of the world.  As long as they aren't naughty.  In which case we give them lumps of coal."

"Uh."

"And I don't really need any assistance with the coal side of the business.  We have a little mine off-premises and we just give the kids runoff from that.  We're cleaning up on that end."

"Mr. Claus, how long have you been doing this?"

"About...oh, I'd say about 500 years."

"And you give away your product.  To everybody."

"Just little boys and girls.  Who aren't naughty."

"Which is how many per annum, exactly?  Or a rough estimate would be fine."

"Say, maybe, a billion.  A billion and a half.  Depending on what the hot movie is and whether there's a new Grand Theft Auto out."

"And you have no means at all of generating income."

"I had a pretty hefty insurance policy on the wife, but she kicked it 31 years ago.  That's almost totally gone."

"Mr. Claus, I figure you're probably operating at a continual net loss of about ten to twenty billion dollars a year."

"Right.  Which is why I need this loan."

"I don't think we can possibly do business under these terms, sir.  Merry Christmas to you."

"That's what you think."
Previous Entry. Current Entry. Next Entry.
E-mail the Ludic Log. . Feed My Ego.
TODAY'S DRIFTWOOD:  "Examine carefully, and reconsider all your notions of things; analyze them, and discover their component parts, and see if habit and prejudice are not the principal ones.  Weigh the matter, upon which you are to form your opinion, in the equal and important scales of reason." (Lord Chesterfield)