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BEST PORNOGRAPHIC MOVIES OF THE YEAR 1. Fingering Nemo 2. Lost in Fellation 3. My Stick River 4. The Protein Stain 5. The Seabiscuit Game ALBUMS OF THE YEAR 1. Bubba Sparxxx, I Use One More X in My Name Than Those Pussies in Basement Jaxx 2. Cat Power, You are Free to Watch Me Weeping Onstage 3. The White Stripes, Elephant (Not to Be Confused with Gus van Sant's Elephant) 4. Radiohead, Whatever Radiohead Album is Out Right Now 5. The Pernice Brothers, We Sad NOVEL CATEGORIES OF THE YEAR 1. Hip, Sex-and-the-City-Influenced "Chick Lit" Novel with a Pink Cover 2. Book By Famous and Well-Respected Writer Which Pretends Not to Be Science Fiction Even Though It is Obviously Science Fiction 3. Self-Absorbed, Cloyingly Sincere Childhood Reminiscence 4. Novel By Someone Who Spends All Their Time Watching TV, Posing as 'Satire' of American Culture 5. Techno-Legal Horror Thriller THE YEAR'S BEST REALITY SHOWS 1. 1934 Shed 2. Battle of the Network Contract Holdouts 3. Moe Jillionaire 4. Survivor IX: South Bronx 5. Who Wants to Be on a Really Shitty Reality Show? THE YEAR IN SPORT 1. Yankees lose World Series 2. NFL sets new record for felony arrests 3. Yankees fail to win World Series 4. Winter Olympics inexplicably to be held in Dar-es-Sala'am 5. Yankees are not victorious in World Series |
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