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THINGS PABLO PICASSO WAS CALLED, OTHER THAN AN ASSHOLE 1. Fuck-knuckles 2. Cock-wrangler 3. Dipshit 4. el monopito 5. Pablo Picasshole INCENTIVES FOR IRAQ RE-ENLISTMENT 1. $10,000 cash 2. Tommy Hilfiger uniforms 3. You get to keep your assault rifle when you rotate back to the States 4. seventy-three virgins 5. U.S. government promises to get around to making you a memorial in a couple of decades TELLING IF IT IS SUNDAY 1. Hey, is today Sunday? 2. No way. It can't be Sunday already. 3. It doesn't feel like Sunday. 4. Holy shit. Look at the fucking calendar. It is Sunday. 5. Dude, I can't believe it's Sunday. UPCOMING DR. SEUSS FILM ADAPTATIONS 1. Adam Sandler's Yertle the Turtle 2. One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish vs. Jaws 3. Green Eggs and Sam Rockwell 4. And to Think That I Saw It On Mulholland Drive! 5. On Beyond Zebra II: Freddy vs. Mike Myers A DOG'S MOST HATED CLICHES 1. "Arf, arf" 2. Tail-chasing 3. That whole thing where you turn around three times before lying down 4. "Bark, bark" 5. That all of us like to sniff each other's butts, when it's really just a minority of bad eggs |
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