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01.15.2004

PRODUCTS HEADING FOR A LAWSUIT

1.  Everybody Loves Raymond's Dead Animal Pickup

2.  The 2005 Spinout (sports model) from Neversafe Automobiles

3.  State of Illinois Brand All-Anal Action Magazine

4.  Excel-Int, the spreadsheet software from Not Microsoft, Inc.

5.  Diet Rite Bitter Almond Flavor

2005's TOP ENTERTAINMENT VALUES

1.  the Monsters of White Doo-Wop tour

2.  the David W. Bannick film festival
 
3.  Sri Lankan beach holiday

4.  VH1's Behind the Music:  The Darkness (pre-filming now)

5.  Rob Liefeld retrospective at the Rob Liefeld's Garage Museum of Kick-Ass Contemporary Art

SPORTS DRUGS OF CHOICE

1.  Baseball:  cocaine

2.  Basketball:  marijuana

3.  Football:  crystal meth

4.  Hockey:  PCP

5.  Bowling:  PBR

NOW PLAYING AT THE TITTYPLEX 3000

1.  Fat Prince Albert

2.  Lettinme Suckit's "A Series of Fortunate Sexual Encounters"

3.  The Masturbator

4.  White Bois

5.  Fuck the Meters

UNSUCCESSFUL DOG BREEDS


1.  Comptonian Malamute

2.  East German Shepherd

3.  Melancholy Dane

4.  Rhodesian Racist

5.  Wireless Terrier

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