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TOP VULGARITIES I HAVE USED IN REFERRING TO THE UPCOMING IRAQ WAR 1. Fucking 2. Goddamn 3. Motherfuckers 4. Sons of bitches 5. Shit THINGS THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION CLAIMS THAT SADDAM HUSSEIN MIGHT DO IF WE DON'T INVADE IRAQ RIGHT AWAY 1. Forge alliance with Raelians, clone himself, and be double the brutal dictator he is now 2. Add new members, such as France, Russia and Germany, to ever-growing Axis of Evil 3. Live another 12 years, forcing Jeb Bush to fight a third war with Iraq when he becomes president 4. Bombard himself with cosmic rays, developing powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men 5. Hunt down the now-adolescent Kuwaiti babies who survived his Republican Guard removing them from incubators during the last Gulf War and finally kill them POSSIBLE CANDIDATES TO LEAD IRAQ AFTER SADDAM HUSSEIN GETS HIS REGIME TERMINALLY CHANGED, AND WHY THEY SHOULD DO IT 1. Hamid Karzai (is doing such a bang-up job on Afghanistan) 2. Idi Amin (just sits around moping and eating chocolate since we got him out of Uganda) 3. Dick Cheney (he runs America, he can run Iraq) 4. Ken Lay (needs a chance to regain our trust) 5. George H.W. Bush (it's only right) SUGGESTED ETHNIC SLURS TO USE AGAINST IRAQIS 1. Raqheads 2. Saddamists 3. Iranians 4. Ba'athholes 5. Baghdeads POTENTIAL SIDE BENEFITS OF THE UPCOMING WAR WITH IRAQ 1. Gives all the fighter pilots something to do besides watch the DVDs of Top Gun and Iron Eagle over and over again 2. Might get that really hot Turkish girl who works at the coffee shop to notice us 3. Could help out with the whole suicidal dependence on petroleum for a couple of years, who knows 4. Westerners will finally have a chance to see some of the hilarious Iraqi sitcoms we've been hearing about for years 5. You can never have too many hundreds of thousands of dead Arabs |
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