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WAYS IN WHICH GULF WAR II IS DIFFERENT FROM ALL PREVIOUS WARS 1. First war in which all casualties on one side are the result of vehicular accidents 2. First war to be copyrighted and trademarked 3. First war concieved of, planned, organized and executed by right-wing think tanks 4. First war so completely misguided even the Germans don't want a piece of it 5. George W. Bush worst president ever to order U.S. troops into battle CDs I BOUGHT AT EVIL CLOWN RECORDS TODAY 1. Bright Flight, the Silver Jews (Drag City, 2001) 2. Moth, Mick Turner (Drag City, 2002) 3. Cowboy Sally's Twilight Laments...for Lost Buckaroos, Sally Timms (Bloodshot, 1999) 4. Hyderomastgroningem, Ruins (Tzadik, 1995) 5. The Best of Schoolly D, Schoolly D (Jive, 2003) 6. A Series of Sneaks, Spoon (Merge, 1998) 7. Infection and Decline, the Flying Luttenbachers (ugExplode, 2001) 8. Let You Down, the Kingsbury Manx (Overcoat, 2001) 9. Lahore & Marseille, Muslimgauze (Solielmoon, 1998) 10. Leaves Turn Inside You, Unwound (Kill Rock Stars, 2001) 11. V, the Fucking Champs (Drag City, 2002) 12. 10,000 Light Years, Zeni Gevoa (Neurot, 2001) SATAN'S FAVORITE PIES 1. Soulberry 2. Banana Nut Seared Flesh 3. Adulterer Nut 4. Peach 5. Festering Heart of Unbeliever Creme DOWNSIDES OF HAVING A 33" PENIS 1. Forced to spend huge amount of money on strapping tape, specially tailored pants 2. Makes career as female impersonator next to impossible 3. Sex lacks a certain intimacy since your partner is over two feet away 4. Very difficult to conceal erections 5. Always get stereotyped in movies as 'the guy with the huge dick' PEOPLE WHO ARE MORE DANGEROUS THAN COMMUNISTS SINCE THE FALL OF THE SOVIET UNION 1. postmodernists 2. Raelians 3. trangendered persons 4. Hollywood producers 5. pushcart vendors |
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