|
|
|
|
|
|
|
POSSIBLE FINISHING MANUEVERS FOR ME IF I BECOME A PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER 1. The Bellyacher 2. The Delivered-with-Great-Effort Suplex 3. The Coronary Thrombosis 4. The Proaieretic Sequence 5. The Forfeit THINGS YOU SHOULD PROBABLY NOT NOTICE ABOUT THE IRAQ WAR 1. The fact that while it's lots of fun to make fun of the Iraqi information minister, he doesn't really lie in kind or degree any more than, say, Ari Fleischer 2. The fact that the Kurds, who got elected "Iraqi people" when Saddam Hussein was gassing them, have suddenly lost that status when it comes to controlling cities with oil in them 3. The fact that every single 'smoking gun' pointing to weapons of mass destruction has turned out to be bullshit 4. The fact that the guy we seem to have picked out to be the new leader of Iraq after the war is even less qualified to lead a nation than is Hamid Karzai 5. The fact that a number of administration members and advisors have quietly mentioned that they have no intention of going through with the whole democracy thing if it even begins to look like the Iraqi people might elect an Islamic fundamentalist government NEW STARBUCKS' SIZES 1. Gigantesco 2. Dio-Maldetto Enorme 3. Molto Piccolo ma Sorpredentemente Costoso 4. Grand-Asino 5. Rene-Ofensivo GOOD BASEBALL TAUNTS 1. "You couldn't catch SARS if you got locked in the toilet of a Hong Kong brothel!" 2. "Why can't you hit the ball like you hit your wife and children?" 3. "You'd strike out with Paris Hilton if I gave you a double dose of Rohypnol and a bag of cocaine!" 4. "Your pitch-calling is tautological!" 5. "Although you are currently batting .429 against my team, this can be of little comfort against the knowledge that all men are mortal and there is no convincing evidence of the existence of an afterlife!" PEOPLE WHO WERE CONSIDERED FOR MEMBERSHIP IN THE FANTASTIC FOUR TO REPLACE THE HUMAN TORCH, AND WHY THEY DIDN'T GET THE JOB 1. Angel (ability to fly not really all that fantastic) 2. MODOK (looked terrible in the uniform) 3. Black Orchid (couldn't get clearance from DC) 4. Robbie Robertson (thought he was the guy from the Band instead of the assistant editor of the Daily Bugle) 5. Hatemonger (having clone of Adolf Hitler in the group tested poorly with focus groups) |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|