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08.13.2004
THINGS I HAD FORGOTTEN BUT WAS RECENTLY
REMINDED OF AT THE WIZARDWORLD COMICS CONVENTION
1. There's an
entire industry dedicated to the manufacture of swords, axes, knives
and other bladed weapons that are incapable of cutting anything
2. There are Americans with so much money and so little to do
that they will actually spend four thousand dollars on an issue of Pep Comics from 1943
3. Erin Gray is alive
4. The one who most clearly has no business wearing Spandex is
always the one wearing Spandex
5. Some people got nothing better to do than speak Klingon
WHAT I DIDN'T GET FOR MY BIRTHDAY
1. a check with
nine digits in the amount
2. any younger
3. that snazzy little Heckler & Koch I've had my eye on
4. an immortality serum
5. laid
THANKS, JEWS!
1. bagels
2. klezmer
3. Sarah Silverman
4. self-deprecating humor
5. Norman Podhoretz -- no, wait
DANGEROUS AIRLINE PASSENGER ALERT LEVELS
1. green: Tom
Ridge
2. blue: Mary-Kate Olsen
3. yellow: Yngwie Malmsteen
4. orange: Ted Kennedy
5. red: Salman Rushdie
FREELANCE WRITING GIGS I HAVE RECENTLY
TURNED DOWN
1. convention
brochure for the 2004 gathering of the American Milk Solids Council
2. presidential acceptance speech for Lyndon LaRouche
3. review of a collection of Ann Coulter's love sonnets to herself
4. interview with Vincent Gallo's prosthetic penis in The Brown Bunny
5. short story for December issue of Lactating Giantess magazine |