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THINGS THE JEWS RARELY GET BLAMED FOR 1. Making the food too spicy 2. That spill on aisle 7 3. Breaking Babe Ruth's home run record 4. Disco 5. Meeting the Buddha on the road, killing him WAYS TO MAKE THE CHICAGO AIR & WATER SHOW MORE EXCITING 1. Naval battles with live ammunition 2. Neighborhood lottery; winner is exempted from noisy flyovers 3. Jets fly directly towards the Sears Tower at full speed; pull up at last second, then skywrite "HA HA JUST KIDDING" over the city 4. Change name to "Chicago Air vs. Water Show" 5. After show, planes saturation-bomb Indiana WHAT SUGE KNIGHT LEARNED IN PRISON 1. Lock-up is a great place to source new talent 2. How to make a shiv out of a ballpoint pen and a sharp rock 3. Ol' Dirty Bastard is a lot of fun as a cellmate, but motherfucker can't find the toilet even when it's only three feet from his bunk 4. Macrame 5. The name, home address and travel patterns of everyone who talked shit about him while he was sent up SURPRISING REVELATIONS IN "THE PASSION", MEL GIBSON'S NEW FILM ABOUT THE DEATH OF CHRIST 1. John the Baptist refers to Mary Magdalene as a "washed-up commie cunt" 2. Romans not only spoke Latin instead of Greek, but in fact spoke Pig Latin 3. Jesus was finally caught by the Romans despite his awesome tae kwon do skills 4. Jews not only killed Christ, they sodomized his corpse, then hollowed it out and made a pinata out of it 5. Mel Gibson is completely fucking insane WAYS TO REVIVE THE HORRORCORE GENRE 1. Postmortem duets with 2Pac & Biggie 2. R. Kelly abandons "love man" theme, takes up "eater of warm human flesh" theme 3. People Under the Stairs team up with Last House on the Left and Hills Have Eyes 4. Wu-Tang style: Lo Wei out; Dario Argento in 5. Too Poetic returns from the dead, records new album with Gravediggaz, then eats them |
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