|
|
|
|
|
COUNTRIES THAT HAVE RECENTLY ENTERED INTO DIPLOMATIC RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE UNITED STATES OF KISSMYASS 1. The People's Republic of Suckmydick 2. The Commonwealth of Blowmehomo 3. The Kingdom of Gofuckyourselfania 4. The Federative Republic of Likeigiveashit 5. The Grand Duchy of Cramitsideways CHARACTERS FROM 'THE GODFATHER PART II' AND THE TEEN CRAZES THEY INSPIRED 1. Johnny Ola: sitting around with a hat on your lap 2. Rocco: being nicknamed "Rocco" 3. Frankie Pentangeli: getting your brother to grow a walrus mustache 4. Hyman Roth: watching football games in the company of organized crime bosses 5. Willie Cicci: being played by beloved character actor Joe Spinnell ALTERNATE INSTITUTIONS SEN. JOSEPH McCARTHY HAD CONSIDERED CLAIMING WERE HEAVILY INFILTRATED BY COMMUNISTS PRIOR TO HIS DECIDING ON THE ARMY, THE STATE DEPARTMENT AND HOLLYWOOD 1. The National Forest Service 2. Ventriloquists 3. The cement industry 4. The Department of Weights & Measures 5. Bozeman, MT AMAZING ACTUAL QUOTES FROM THE "TALES OF THE BIZARRO WORLD" COLLECTION I JUST BOUGHT 1. "Suddenly, a giant, hairy paw clutches the super-talent scout." 2. "Yes...and me use my heat-vision to play joke on Krypto by changing delicious cold dogs into disgusting hot dogs!" 3. "Music am going be played by 'Bizarro Cool Cat Combo' led by Bizarro-Hipster No. 1!" 4. "Grr-rr! Bah! Phooey!" 5. "Us flying into time-barrier, John Wilkes Booth!" UP-AND-COMING FAST FOOD FRANCHISES OWNED BY FORMER CHICAGO WHITE SOX PLAYERS 1. Albert Bell 2. McDowell's 3. Kentucky Fried Dybzinski 4. Rusty Kuntz's Discount Seafood 5. Bonura's Beef & Brats 6. Don Wakamatsu's Tiki Oasis 7. An Evening of Theatre and Finely Prepared Cuisine Nouvelle with Walt "No-Neck" Williams |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|