The Ludic Log: Your Kiss Is On My List

REJECTED ARTICLES FROM LEADING MENS' MAGAZINES

1. "17 Ways to Blast Someone Else's Quads"

2. "Learn How to Delay Ejaculation for 6 Days"

3. "33 Things You Can Do to Make Her Cry in Bed"

4. "America's 10 Best Restaurants for Pansies"

5. "4 Hours of Fitness with John Popper"

AFTER-EFFECTS OF THE NORTH KOREAN NUCLEAR TEST

1. Woke up several elderly people in Taiwan

2. Kim Jong-Il added "Inventor of the Atomic Bomb" to list of titles

3. George W. Bush remembered where he left his diplomatic corps

4. Right-wing columnists had new excuse not to talk about Mark Foley

5. Citizens of North Korea scrambled around blast area looking for food

HOW PUFF DADDY IS KNOWN IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES

1. "Papá Hinchado" (Mexico)

2. "Spastischer Tanzenmann" (Germany)

3. "The one who got there before Ben Affleck" (Canada)

4. "陳腐な馬鹿" (Japan)

5. "The Defendant" (USA)

SEEING THE SIGHTS

1. A Guy Who Played George Washington in a TV Movie Slept Here

2. Texas' Thirteenth-Tallest Radio Tower

3. Home of the Original BBQ Ice Cream

4. Kamp Kambodia 4 Kids

5. The World's Most Long-Winded Description of the World's Largest Ball of Twine

FORGOTTEN FILMS OF THE FRENCH NEW WAVE

1. Le Samourai II: Le Samourai in Outer Space

2. Michel le Shithead

3. The Ennui is Overpowering

4. Claire's Bum

5. Ma Dialectique sans Fin