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1. Scott Peterson and anyone he may or may not have killed 2. Whether or not Kofi Annan's son is less corrupt, more corrupt, or equally as corrupt as any number of other politicians all over the world 3. the shocking lack of hockey this year 4. digital television, generally 5. the sudden discovery by the American populace that there are sometimes naughty words, adult situations and skimpy outfits presented for public consumption IF JESUS WERE ALIVE TODAY 2. people would try and think of a polite way to tell him he smells bad 3. he'd wonder why everyone called his name after hitting their thumbs with a hammer 4. he'd be kinda grossed out by all the crucifixes 5. he'd probably just sit around all day Googling himself THINGS I WISH I HADN'T SHOUTED AT CONCERTS 1. "Play 'Freebird'! No, not that 'Freebird', the other one!" 2. "YEAH! Your dead kid ROCKS!" 3. "You're a pussy, Suge!" 4. "I thought you were the good Sinatra kid." 5. "If Dimebag doesn't play 'I'm Broken', you should totally go shoot him in the face like five times." WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT AQUAMAN 1. He can't really command the creatures of the deep, but they all owe him money so they're afraid to refuse him a favor 2. Curry is both his last name and his favorite spice blend 3. When asked why a man who swims around underwater all day would wear a heavy chainmail tunic, says he never even thought about it 4. Favorite Jethro Tull album is Aqualung 5. Has alcoholic Scandinavian cousin named Aquavitman REJECTED TITLES FOR MY DOCTORAL THESIS ON
MILTON 2. Themes of Rebellion in Paradise Lost: Satan's Preternatural Bird-flip 3. Elton John vs. Milton, John: Deathmatch, Academia Style 4. Better to Rule in Hell Than To Serve in Heaven: Tennis as Metaphor in the Great Works of Western Religious Symbolism 5. John Milton: Blind, Ignorant Whigger |
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