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NEW HIP-HOP SUBGENRES 1. Gangsta bhangra 2. Acoustic electro-funk 3. Posthumous remixes 4. Healthcarecore 5. Avonism (raps that contain only words found in Shakespeare plays) UPCOMING FOX-TV REALITY SHOWS 1. That's My Guido: fifteen blonde New Jerseyites battle for the love of an as-yet-unindicted Newark mob chieftan 2. American Asshole: screaming, impossible-to-please type-A middle managers holler and berate an expert panel of fast food workers in an attempt to gain the title of Worst Boss in the U.S.A. 3. If You've Got A Buck, We're All Fucked: destitute families (rural and urban variety) will do anything jaded audience demands in exchange for pitiful amounts of money. 4. Sellout!: competing teams of attractive, sexy twentysomethings are burdened with useless graduate degrees and gargantuan student loans; must compete for same entry-level job at a public relations firm. 5. Making the Calcutta: Typical SUV-driving, cell-phone-yakking, reality-show-viewing spoiled American family trades places with family of impoverished, desperate dishwallas in India; hilarity ensues. RICH AND FAMOUS PEOPLE WHO I AM BETTER THAN IN EVERY WAY, AND SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO FACE IN TELEVISED COMBAT, WITH THE PRIZE BEING THEIR WEALTH AND FAME 1. Pauly Shore 2. Anna Nicole Smith 3. Tom Green 4. Red Greene 5. Cappadonna HITLER'S BIGGEST REGRETS 1. Asking for the flaming pit in Hell right next to Richard Wagner's 2. Telling von Braun that nuclear weaponry was just a fad 3. Turning down lead role in Bringing Up Baby 4. Wasting all that time on the Jews when all along, it turns out that the real problem was gremlins 5. Italy REVISED STATIONS OF THE CROSS, STARRING JERRY LEWIS 1. Jerry breaks up with Dino 2. Jerry parts ways with Paramount 3. Jerry tries his hand at directing 4. Jerry begins working with the Muscular Dystrophy Foundation 5. The French hail Jerry as a genius 6. Sammy tells Jerry he should write his own scripts 7. Jerry stars in Which Way to the Front? 8. Jerry gets a prime-time comedy show 9. Jerry attempts to make The Day the Clown Cried 10. Jerry's big comeback 11. Jerry starts to take himself very seriously 12. Jerry dies on stage 13. The body of Jerry is cremated and the ashes scattered over the Catskills 14. Jerry Lewis: the E! True Hollywood Story |
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