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WORST NINTENTO GAMES EVER 1. Spy vs. Spy 2. The Three Stooges 3. Jaws 4. Friday the 13th 5. Bob Ross' Happy Little Tree Adventure REASONS WHY EROTIC LITERATURE WILL NEVER CATCH ON THE SAME WAY PORNO MAGAZINES HAVE 1. You can only stand seeing "ooh!" and "augh!" spelled so many ways. 2. All of the penetration is implied. 3. Reading is hard! 4. Any joker can write about tits; many fewer can photograph them. 5. It's difficult to hold those small, bound books open with just one hand. WAYS TO MAKE MODOK APPEAL TO A HIPPER CROWD 1. One word: tinsel! 2. Redesign him so that he more closely resemble's CNN's Chris Matthews. 3. Film a buddy flick with David Spade. 4. Add him to the next X-Men flick and offer no explaination whatsoever. 5. Convince him to focus his upcoming autobiography around his charity work, and name the book "Giving Head". ANNOYING ASPECTS OF RIDING C.T.A. BUSES 1. Comforting smell of own body odor replaced by the smell of a stranger's body odor. 2. Most buses unfortunately not equipped with neon "COOLEST PERSON ALIVE" sign for the patron who decides to stand in the back door for seemingly the entire route. 3. Engine so loud that it drowns out lovely music coming from headphones of other passengers. 4. Seats too comfortable! Stops often missed due to passengers being gently ushered into slumber. 5. Bathroom facilities resemble standard seating too closely; not enough privacy. WORST COFFEE TABLE BOOKS 1. Ed Asner's Most Alluring Portraits 2. Better Homes and Gardens' These Homes and Gardens Are Better Than Yours Volume 20 3. Monster Trucking: A Delicate Ballet 4. Danny Bonaduce's The Real King of the World 5. Crisp!: A Photographic Tour of Celebrity Refrigerator Crisper Drawers TRENDS THAT ARE UNFORTUNATELY DUE FOR A REVIVAL 1. Hypercolor clothing 2. Horrorcore 3. Blue-collar rock 4. Underwear as outerwear 5. Witch-burning |
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